Faking Football – Episode 1 : Predicting 2015-16
hello, folks! Welcome to the new segment of our website called Faking Football!
This is basically a fun segment where we make fun of everything and everyone (in a controlled manner) just for the entertainment purposes. We reckoned if top tabloids like Daily Star can publish so many ridiculous rumors, why can’t we start a segment where we could provide some actual entertainment to our readers? This segment is not meant to insult anyone, it’s just for the entertainment purposes. Hope you enjoy! Don’t forget to leave your comments below!
July 30th, 2015: In an unlikely series of events, Barca have decided to sell back Arda Turan to Atletico Madrid. This decision comes hot on heels of the resignation by President Josep Bartomeu, who resigned in the spirit of showing solidarity with Sepp Blatter. The Board was supposed to appoint the runner-up Joan Laporta as the new president but decided to name Augusti Benedito as the President because he had a more favorable name. Explaining the decision, a statement on the club’s website read:
“Even though Mr. Laporta seemed to have a greater nous for running this club more successfully than Mr. Benedito, the Board, in line with the sentimental nature of the club post the heart-wrenching resignation of our beloved Mr. Bartomeu, decided to appoint Mr. Benedito as he shares the first alphabet with both Bartomeu and Barcelona.” It is suspected that Benedito never took a liking to Arda Turan because his name has no “B”, despite the player sporting a beard with a “B”.
August 2nd, 2015: Something always seemed to be off when Jose Mourinho turned up for Charity Shield in his track suit. Mourinho had shown this candor earlier but never before in games where a trophy was at stake. It unraveled soon enough after Diego Costa in an attempted bicycle kick missed the ball completely and hit Petr Cech on his head who had to be taken off after suffering concussions.
Seeing this happen and suspecting foul play in Mourinho’s strategy, Wenger, in scenes reminiscent of last year’s tussle between the two, jumped at Mourinho. But with no tie to grab this time, Wenger removed his tie to put it on Mourinho. But Mourinho, the wily customer as always, grabbed David Ospina to hide behind him. With the tie around Ospina’s head, and Wenger unaware in his rage, the backup goalkeeper suffered a neck injury. In the absence of a regular goalkeeper, Arsenal turned to their Superman, Alexis Sanchez, who again stood up for his team and played both on the left wing and as a Goalkeeper, while Jack Wilshere sat on the bench smoking pot.
August 3rd, 2015: Reports suggest that both Petr Cech and David Ospina could be out for the entire season after both suffered injuries in dramatic fashion at the Charity Shield match yesterday. In between the two injuries, Arsene Wenger was also seen throwing a fit and then some more. It is probable that Wenger might be held in contempt of FA’s code of conduct and sources suggest that he may be banned for the entire season. It is also reported that FA will suggest psychotherapy sessions for Arsene Wenger where he will be asked to punch replicas of Jose Mourinho. The Arsenal Board may also take this suggestion seriously after Wenger suggested bringing back Manuel Almunia to Arsenal.
Brendan Rogers has also had his say on the matter. He expressed remorse at what happened and said:
“When you spend 100 million, you expect to be competing for the title. But if you can’t, you at least buy Mario Balotelli to keep you distracted (entertained!). In the absence of both, it is understandable why Wenger couldn’t stand Mourinho. I myself wanted to kill Jose last to last season, but then I saw Gerard, and we both slipped. Maybe Wenger could try slipping.”
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Edited By: Karan Dubey
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